AND I THOUGHT I WAS OUT...
Well, now it seems that nothing is set in concrete, and that maybe staying together is more important than anything else; I fear this is my wife sacrificing her own instincts for the good of the children, and asking me to make a like sacrifice...and the question is whether we can manage it.
I fear not. The one thing I know is that any fantasy of having my cake and eating it too is just that: a fantasy. Staying together as a family, which at least half of me -- and as I once said, "most of me most of the time" -- still desires above all, is premised on a degree of celibacy if not silence.
And it is supposedly entirely my decision.
So pray for me now.
This is truly my hour of need. Either way it's death. But which way life?
Troll, it's a tough call. It's always worth an honest shot though. Try and figure out together what'll work for you. Your wife knows you the best I think.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, part of me thinks that you are not ready, at least for a completely clean break...it's too "right away", and it's too much of a sudden change for you. I'm not sure you are ready, I read a lot of fear and doubt there (more than others perhaps.) Although, I also see you have come a long way, and every step was a brave step towards finding out some truth - struggling to find out answers to some really tough questions.
Sometimes in life, though, we have to choose the path of least regret.
Whatever you decide, just be honest about the expectations in this new light. Know that you may try and fail, know that you might have a change of heart about this decision, know that you might be right back where you found yourself before. Accept that truth.
You have my prayers of course.
P.S. I always heard that in death there is life.
You are a brave man to reach this point in your journey. Best of luck in the decisions and choices that are to come.
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