RANDOM THOUGHTS
of the "PIECE on the SIDE"...
There is an inescapable assymetry in most love relationships; the exceptions are all the more precious for their rarity.

A "piece on the side" simply does not have the weight of "the first man I have slept with in over thirty years," and never will. So by definition, the Fox's importance for me, and the at times overwhelming emotional significance of the fact that he in some [however limited way] responded to me, is out of all proportion to my importance in his life.

It is not just the difference between our rather different ratios of "number of men/last thirty years" in each case. I have entered a world where, as I believe I have said elsewhere, nothing makes sense to me, least of all my own behavior. And the emotions unleashed by this first far from perfect experience resembles nothing so much as the parallel events of thirty years ago. I am just an "emotional over-reactor." I am coming to terms with the resurgent Inner Girl just as surely as the Yugoslavs found their hitherto unmentionable hostilities blossoming in the wake of Tito's death. When the lid flies off after thirty years of repression, the results are going to be far from pretty. "It stands as an edict in destiny," as whoever wrote Shakespeare once said.

Hence her sometimes maddening power. All rational thought bows before the unarguable might of her intent; she just strides from glory to glory, leaving a string of abandoned preconceptions or fond memories of my former self in her wake. She takes no prisoners, and yet, having laid waste to the city of her origins, she drops at the feet of some passing stranger and plays lapdog.
It's a mad world, my masters.
Hang in there, all.
And don't forget to pray for those who really need God's help.

I spent the weekend playing pinochle with my mother and helping her find someone to come bury her donkey, who had the very poor judgment to give up the ghost on a weekend. What we had expected to be an all-day event, however, turned out to be trivial for the people with the right machinery, and they were in, out, and gone in an hour and a half.
Not much take-home work done, though,
and Monday approaches at high speed.
Hang in there.
.
You are always in my thoughts, Troll. I completely understand what you're saying about the disparity between SF's significance in your relationship and your significance to him... But still advise you to hold out a little hope.
ReplyDeleteAbsence makes the heart grow fonder, they say.
TG:
ReplyDelete"hold out a little hope."
what choice do I have?
Oh, and speaking of "abcess making the heart grow fonder," that's what the donkey died of.
T