HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS...
Well, the bridge is well and truly crossed. I have come out to my children, and will be moving out of my house sometime on Thursday. We built, or rather, completely rebuilt, this house twenty years ago, and it has seen some of the most wonderful times I have seen in my life. Even the studio I built out in the barn eight years ago has seen some wonderful things...
Indeed, my marriage has not only lasted half my life, but has been literally the "better half" of it. For whatever it may mean to the rest of you out there on the web, it was not a facade or a prison, but a source of constant and vivifying love, and there are three amazing, forgiving, wonderful people now on this earth to prove it. I cannot say how much my children's behavior has moved me.
I move into an interim, a true wilderness time, in town but not at home for the prescribed forty days -- as long as my children are home. And in the hope that it is not forty years in the wilderness that is my lot... Beyond those forty days, my hope is to find work near enough by that THEY are close when home, but in a city large enough to allow me to be the skunk at the gay community's garden party as I have been among you, my Blog Brothers.
This has been a long and difficult road, and aside from the occasional cruiser and cheerleader, I can honestly say that the web has brought me nothing but love and support. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart, which is where you will find me most of the time, these days.
I wish you all well on your travels, at whatever point you may find yourself on your own particular roads. The Psalms taken together have one particularly Jewish thing to say: no matter what your life is like, it will soon be different. Maybe better, maybe worse, but certainly different. In that there is cause for hope, and the beginning of wisdom.
Shalom.
The Troll Now Well and Truly At Sea
(*rubs eyes*) "I have come out to my children"...WOW! AND you're leaving home...I didn't expect such a big leap, you are much braver than I thought!
ReplyDeleteAs for the wilderness, I don't know if this is the end. I can see this is an end of sorts but also a new beginning too. Remember be strong and be careful, you will be in my thoughts and prayers! And if you start to feel alone, don't forget you have us, waiting for your return. (Or perhaps you'll bump into us at one of the wilderness garden parties, I hear they're a hoot!) Peace. ;)
Good luck to you. Thank you for sharing your journey so far.
ReplyDelete-Sam
As a fellow traveller who is trying to avoid that road, I wish you every, every success. The road is a terrible place full of dangers but you have taken it. It will lead to a new - and maybe better - place. But it will certainly be a different place.
ReplyDeleteYour God will be with you.
What a week you're going to be having! I'm sure it's flavored with stress, relief, pain, joy and excitement.
ReplyDeleteFirst, and foremost, I hope you continue to enjoy the support and love from your family and friends.
Here's where faith must take over.
Goodness....this is going to be a major transition for you. Please take care of yourself and remember to take it one step at a time. You're the one who is calling the shots now. Take it nice and slow. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteTroll: It hurts to hear that you are at the bottom of your heart. Please remember that there are much better times ahead. I have been where you are, and have in fact been worst than you are (my suicide attempt, quite recent). Please be strong. If necessary, please don't be afraid of taking medication (Zoloft or any other anti-depressant). Keep writing. Remember, step by step things will get better. KEEP BLOGGING.
ReplyDeleteI had a lump in my throat when I read this posting. You are truly brave in your decision to leave. Hopefully your children will have seen the love and support over the years that you provided, and will not alienate you due to this disclosure.
ReplyDeleteAs mentioned, I am a professional counselor/social worker. If I can be of any help, please don't hesitate to email me. I don't have alot of answers on gay issues (still trying to figure that out for myself), but I'd be happy to try to help.
May God Almighty (El Shaddai) give you comfort in these times.......