NOT OUT, BUT DOWN AT THE BOTTOM...
I have bravely posted that when we reach the bottom of our degradation and humiliation, there we will find Him awaiting us, because he has been there, and since descending into Hell, has never left. But I am here, lonelier and more desperately aching than I think I have ever been, and I can find no sign of Him. Or of anyone else.In two weeks I will have to tell my children; in just four days the first one comes home and I will have to start pretending everything is OK. And my heart is so heavy. I have crossed the Rubicon, there is no going back. But the way ahead is dark. And I feel so alone.
Too old and fat and tired to be gay.
And far too gay to be straight. Or married.
Pray for me.
Troll -
ReplyDeleteYou have my prayers. Reach out if/when you're willing.
Oh my, I would be completely terrified. I know how I am with my parents, and how my siblings are too...the "kids" are not so forgiving of their parent's "flaws" and maybe even less so than that! I wonder how you will approach this? I expect them to be furious! And confused... the whole sha-bang. Will your wife be there at your side supporting you? (I suspect not.) Why am I feeling like this will make you out to be the bad guy here...be careful on your approach here, they might not be so understanding and it could come as a complete shock as much as telling your wife. It's different for them though, you are in a way WHO they are, a piece of them, not a different person. Anyways, be strong...I think if you reassure them of your love, that is the best you can do. I'll be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteYou have my thoughts and prayers. I wish there was some wisdom to go along with them, but I am not sure there is a magic answer. They are your children and have learned from you. Hopefully the lessons will be remembered.
ReplyDeleteNate
For what it's worth....my greatest allies have been my children. They give great hugs.....affectionate kisses on the old cheek.....they know how to give the old arm a squeeze when going through the fire. They've even brushed away more than their share of dad's tears.
ReplyDeleteTroll, as a person who went through fire a year ago.....a person who felt exactly as you describe.....I can say.....there is a glimmer of hope and life on the other side of this dark night.
Keep going...one foot ahead of the other.
I am praying for you....
hang in there mate.
ReplyDelete