WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

I went up to my first gig at the College; it's really just glorified clerical work, but the "expertise" required gives me a slight leg up per hour, and it sure beats nothing, which is my other option at this point. The Big Woods is thin on my sort of work, and big on hospital and grocery re-stocking specialties.

This is a weird moment for me. Getting back into the College's orbit puts me back in Isis' territory, and the actual external "pod" my work is housed in puts me within walking distance of my former home. So I am bunking in at my grandmother's a couple of nights a week, which is good for me--and, I hope, also good for her. But when I walked back into the room in her house the first time the other day, I realized that it is only two years ago that I left this very room for Nowheresville. That was a bit of a shock--being there again brought up the agony of that time as well as the simple truth of what I left and what I have. No choice is without its price, God knows.

Then, the following morning I woke up to the realization that over twenty years ago, Isis and I and the kids lived in that wing of the house, slept in this very same room, for a couple of months while our house was renovated. That was really a blow--too many things coming around full circle, too many memories of what was, of what was meant to be, of what I hoped for the future... I think I have said before that almost the most painful thing about my divorce was having to give up the idea of our growing old together, on the other side of all the tension and argie-bargie...

Well, it was one hell of an overnight. I'm headed back now for a conference with the Big Wigs, so I have to hit the road. Life really is just one damn thing after another, isn't it?

Hang in there.
C