YOUTH LONG GONE...

I.

We all are getting older, it would seem;
The siren songs are different, by and large.
But then one day an old song strikes a chord,
Within me—deep within me,
Something longs to live that life,
To be the one in charge,
As though that were a life I could afford.
I’m crucified on my dilemma’s prongs:
My old life died in time,
And now it barges in again.
I am attracted, floored, that after all this time,
And all those wrongs,
I’m at attention, eyes on my drill sergeant,
Ready to tramp where those grapes are stored.
I saw such men, now many years ago,
So sad then, sadder now it’s me, I know.


II.

My life once turned on what I’d chosen not to do;
Denial was my charge and power.
The big “no” left some room for lesser “yesses.”
Now I start with “yes,” I cannot know
Where I’ll wind up.
I give it my best shot, but tap my way in darkness.
Every hour brings new decisions
And I have to guess which are the lesser evils,
Who’s the foe, make good on faith
Before I go to pot, like all souls,
When exposed to light and scoured.
I have to hope that I am sinning less,
However black the mien I may now show.
When we rely on grace and leap from cliffs,
Our faith is all: no “ands,” no “buts,” no “ifs.”
C