Monday, September 10, 2007



Coming up on a year — OK, eleven months—after my first sight of the Goat and falling like a ton of bricks, and six months after "getting together," with all that that entailed, I have now crossed another line. And I'm beginning to feel that lines is all there is in this sand... one after another...

OK, the big one was certainly introducing him to my mother and my son. But this also seems significant:

I have just agreed to fly out West to spend Thanksgiving with the Goat's family. That means that I am putting my connection to him over my connection to my own children...

Well, it gives one pause. Gives me pause, anyway.

These are the little roots that penetrate the protective casing of the heart and will over time crack off the last little bits of brick and mortar and reveal the afflicted organ in all its terrible vulnerability. Not that I have had much casing left since Easter at the latest...

I do get to do penance over Christmas, though; I have asked my kids to spend the holiday with me, which they may not want to do, which would be a Major Bummer, and the Goat heads off for his island hideaway over Christmas, where my head and my wallet tell me I cannot follow... much as my heart longs to toss everything to the winds and just go.

I do have a standing invitation for spring break, however, and that I might take him up on, this year... After all, I had a hard enough time last year when I didn't see him for six weeks, and now it seems completely impossible.

["Six weeks???!"]

Well, I have often quoted the archangel Gabriel here to the effect that "with God nothing is impossible," but I can't help thinking that God has bigger things on his plate at the moment than the Goat's vacation plans. Call me crazy--just seems that way to me...


Did I mention that the Goat says that he found my vulnerability irresistible? That is, one level, "a laugh," but it is also worth noting for several semi-serious reasons:

a] it is clear that it was not me he found irresistible [as I found him] but only the public broadcast of my extreme susceptibility, and

b] it leaves me wondering how much of what has happened has merely been the result of my having spent the better part of four months jumping up and down in front of him, shouting "I'm vulnerable! Let me have it!"

Well, these and other questions of similar import have bedeviled mankind from the beginning of time, I am sure.

Hang in there, all.

1 comment:

  1. hehe, meeting the family! What I like is there's definitely a level of comfortable-ness that you guys feel about each other that you can "go here".
    "he found my vulnerability irresistible?" - hehe, I'm certain having feelings for you isn't all about your vulnerability alone, you're smart, attractive (enough to show to the family), nicely mannered etc. I don't know you personally, but I'd bet you're a gentleman (at least in public! wink!) Hang in there.