Wednesday, August 15, 2007


The truth will set you free,”
writes Michael Bussee...
but first it will make you miserable.”

Well, the candor is certainly refreshing. This wonderful quote comes from an article in the Orange County Weekly, for which Eric Leocadio was also interviewed.

This moment brings up another old question for me:

Where have all the bloggers gone? No, I am not wringing my hands over the fact that so many have followed Drew not only into blogging over "our issue," but out of it; no, I am actually interested to find out if anyone knows of anyone new blogging about the dilemma of gay married men. It does seem a little odd that we should all pick up within a few months of each other, and then all check out -- present company excluded, of course...

So, if you know of anyone who is wrestling with the issue, leave a comment with a link. I'd be curious to know whether we are really the dinosaurs everyone says we are. I had argued that we would not in fact disappear in a generation, as long as people grew up profoundly religious, but if we have died out in the course of a year and a half, that's another matter.

A lot of thoughts buzzing around otherwise, but too confused to put into words, really. I have been thinking a lot about the inescapable truth of proverbial sayings that I fought off for years on end, like "You always hurt the one you love," and that French nastiness, "There is always one who kisses, and one who offers the cheek." How I hate it when the cynics turn out to be right...

More later...

Hang in there, all.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Troll,

    I'm one of the wives (now ex) of a former blogger. He had blogged for several months, greatly influenced by Drew and others. We had been married 19 years when he came out to me. I asked him if he was sexually active and he said he was not. I found his blog about ten days after he came out after doing a Google Blog search. He had not used his own name, but I had searched gay, married men, and found Drew's and then through a link, my husband's blog.

    What my husband had written was problematic. Turns out he never loved me. Turns out he wasn't so sure he loved our kids. Turns out he felt absolutely no guilt for cheating on me. Before that day, I had felt compassionate about him being gay and confused even though my heart was broken. But the blog changed how I felt about him forever.

    The problem with writing intimate details about your life and how you feel on any given day is it permanently captures how you feel at any given moment.

    A blogger may change his mind, he may later see the folly of his ways, he may get over the new gay adolescent period, he may be a totally different person next year than he is today. But the words written last year still remain. Logically, I know my husband was going through an out-of-control time and what he wrote isn't necessarily who he really is, but his blog remains indelibly written on my heart.

    Within days of me making a post on my then-husband's blog, his blog came down, then Drew's.

    You probably wonder why I still read your blog and some of the other gay married blogs. It's become a bit of an obsession at this point, I suppose. I'm already divorced, I can't change the turn my life took, but perhaps reading helps me to understand.....