Tuesday, May 22, 2007

QUITE a WEEK #2...


The plot thickens.

Apparently there was a major blow-up over the weekend between the Goat and the RBF over his absence [i.e., presence here] this coming weekend. The RBF showed up at midnight and screamed and carried on, and slammed out, supposedly never to return. I heard that from the Goat, and then I heard it from the RBF, who is coming to town, or nearly to town, this week. He let me know that he still wants to meet for dinner on Wednesday.

Why do I feel like I am in
I think it might be because I am...


I called the Goat. He had almost seemed to be asking me to call in his last e-mail [his request well-disguised as an entirely justified complaint about my cell-phone service], so I drove to McDonald's and called. For once I was right; he had wanted me to call.

Turns out there had been violence at his school's prom on Saturday, involving knives and a lot of blood, and he, the one [openly] gay guy on campus, was the one called in to take care of it. Which he did. And it was late that night after all the madness of blood at the prom that the screaming and door-slamming happened. I tried to tell him, and will in fact try to tell the RBF as well, not to make too much of either the missed weekend[s] or the slammed door: they have been together for a pretty long time, and it just doesn't sound like enough to break up over.

The fly in the ointment, of course, is Yours Truly.

I suspect that the Goat has said enough things about me to make the RBF [a] jealous, and [b] insecure. Add a canceled date [the prom, not me] and then another [OK, that one's me] and you get: Trouble.

So here's something new for me to consider:

I will readily, if shame-facedly, admit that I have had fantasies of being the Goat's RBF myself. I had sort of passed over exactly how that was going to come about, or what it would necessarily mean to the current holder of that position. So I am not entirely innocent, under Jesus' motto of the thought equaling the deed, if you know what I mean. Suddenly I see that some of the things the Goat has said which I wrote off as flattery, and would of course still qualify, may have been signals that he was in fact as interested as I had hoped and dreamed, but not believed... Did my eagerness to be more than a one-night stand lead him on beyond sense? Was all that talk about "openness" just a means of getting me to commit to something beyond my ken?

Then there is the ugly question: was the Goat just hanging on to the RBF until something better came along, and decided that I qualified? What would that tell me about the Goat, whatever it might tell me about me? I'm not sure I really want to know... All I wanted was to have some degree of connection without anybody getting hurt, although operating by any set of human standards I knew [i.e., NOT "open" gay relationships] I didn't see how that was going to happen. And it didn't, apparently.

This is not one of those times when I am glad to have been right.

So, this is my big romantic moment.
Be careful what you wish for.

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