STAT COUNTER FOLLIES II...THE REVENGE OF BLOGGER BETA...

You would think that someone who has finally come to terms with "kink" in himself would be prepared to tolerate a few kinks and wrinkles elsewhere. But the shift to Blogger Beta left me foaming at the mouth. Like all software, it comes with "instructions" written, if not actually IN Japanese, then apparently translated FROM Japanese -- or, in this case, "engineer-speak".

The "interface" -- another word I can barely bring myself to use, as if a machine had a face of ANY kind, no matter how nicely you dress it up -- is supposedly easier to adjust, but the control is partial, and doing anything not covered by the dumbed-down "Windows-type" template management is actually more of a bitch to do. AND you lose all your customization when you move.

Actually, the only thing that made me really mad was the fact that my beloved Stat Counter disappeared. Gentle readers [assuming for the moment that there ARE more than one of you], when life gets me down and no one is calling or writing or posting comments, the local Whine and Moan Brigade goes to its blog to see who's been visiting, and from where.

So the disappearance of my last-ditch anti-depressant was, well, depressing.

I am sure Blogger, in its infinite smugness, thought that it had made it clear how to rescue things, and it is probably true that if I had read the Stat Counter instructions a little more carefully the FIRST time, I might not have wandered in the wilderness for weeks with... NO STATS. But I did finally twig to the fact that you could no longer enter the code as HTML, but had to enter it as text. What kind of sense does THAT make? Well, that's how it works now...

And I do in fact have my electronic security blanket back. And it made me laugh out loud this morning. Now, I only have a few days to go on, but there is plenty of material to work with already. I really did laugh out loud. Not at first. The first connection listed was in Beirut. LEBANON. [The world is falling down around some poor sap, and he is reading MY blog? Talk about desperate; it makes me look positively cool as a cucumber.]

But then, and THIS is where I was startled enough to start barking wildly [sorry, laughing], the next computer systems listed were: Bear Stearns Security Corporation, Wells Fargo Bank, and the University of Utah. Then followed Snohomish, WA, and I was relieved to remember that my friends in Snohomish are now safely in Massachusetts offering me glimpses of the ocean; Seoul, South Korea; someplace in Denmark; New Delhi; and Salt Lake City [Utah again!]. Is it just that gay Mormons have a particularly tough row to hoe, and are under such intense pressure not to come out and to marry instead? Or have I discovered a short-cut to the Mormon funny-bone? Stay tuned.

The new stat counter, which at first I did not like as much as the old one -- and isn't THAT the story of my life? -- actually offers all sorts of little bells and whistles that the old one didn't, like the corporate stamp of the computer rather than just the ISP address. That was bracing. And then there is a world map with little Google-map pins wherever a computer has accessed the site. New Delhi, for instance, sat in splendid isolation under the rest of Asia, with the exception of Seoul, where I now know I am only found by those hunting for Uncle Gengoroh. It's like all those poor people referred to my pages by a search for "Francois Sagat" -- my heart really does go out to them.

And of course, Greasetank seems to be sending more people my way than I could possibly ever have sent his way. This is one of the little pay-offs in this world: bread cast upon the waters really does return to you a hundred-fold. Now, how do you like THAT, O ye clippers of scripture and trimmers of sails? It is simply true, but to see it you need to be willing to follow the light as it bends around large objects...

I was weighed in the doctor's office today: 173. I saw another scale where I went to get my flu shot: 175. I think I own a scale that hopes to go into Public Relations when it grows up.

Hope. My friends, don't lose hope.
It is not only, in Emily Dickinson's lovely phrase "the thing with feathers/ that perches in the soul/ and sings the tune without the words," but it functions just like kapok: it can keep your head above water if you will just hold still, even in pretty wild seas.

So hang on and hang in there.
The seas will eventually calm down. Even if I don't.
I absolutely believe that.