BACK ON THE ROLLER COASTER...
And it's no picnic. Everything that had once seemed decided now needs to played out with both of us talking, reacting, over-reacting, taking offense, and somehow still managing to reach out. This is the most painful thing I think I have ever done in my life, and below that is the bitter base line that it is all a matter of my choice, no matter how I try to dress it up as partly the result of her decisions...
Giving up all internet correspondence, including this blog, is the demand currently on the table, so I will not be posting any time soon. And it will hardly be a good sign if I do.
Would the cheerleading crowd kindly keep their good words to themselves? Those who have fewer words of wisdom are welcome to comment; but take off your sandals -- where human hearts are so vulnerable, there is always holy ground.
(Hmm...am I one in the cheerleading crowd?! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are going through this...it's true that certainties are rarely certain. I think it's because our emotions and thoughts are not static, we often will change our mind about things - it's normal. I think in the end things will settle somewhat. I hope sooner for you than later, but I think the reality is it will take time...like I've always said, hold on and proceed slowly. I believe in you, you have come far and I also trust you will be able to figure this out -whatever decide is right.
If you do end up having to leave (everyone does eventually), I will miss you dearly and not easily forget you. (or if you stay or come back awesome!) As usual, my prayers are with you and your family! Peace.
When I separated from my wife, I agreed to all her demands because I wanted to appease. I gave her far more than she was entitled to, both emotionally and financially. I know where you are, and I also know that you will probably not listen to this advise but keep this in mind: Don't give in just because you have decided to leave the marriage. Lots of people get divorced, and the fact that the reason for your divorce is that you are gay should make no difference. If I were you, I would not give up the internet and I would most certainly not give up my blog. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid I'm with Ernesto. My wife demanded that I give up the Internet, period, and I laughed and told her it was out of the question. She's made demands since then, but that hasn't been one of them.
ReplyDeleteWith that said, Troll, you have to do what seems right to you. I miss hearing from you, and I think of you often -- but when I do think of you, it's to hope that you are happy. If leaving the Internet will be a path back to happiness for you, then I won't fault you for it.
This begs the question: Is the blog the catalyst for your marital demise or other sites that have reprocussions for your actions?
ReplyDeleteGoing "cold turkey" from the internet is a radical move. It doesn't negate the real issue at hand: you have same-sex attractions and you are married.
Only you and your wife can decide if getting a divorce is the best for your family. This has been reflected in the comments left by your readers; some of whom are still married, others divorced, some gay, some bi, and some uncertain of where their sexual attraction lies.
I don't think this blog is your downfall. Accessing other sites where there is a potential for inappropriate relations as a married man is more likely the "smoking gun".
I'll be praying for you and the outcome.....BTW....my email is always available to you.....however, you'd have to access to the internet for that also.......errr....nevermind.
Surrender.
ReplyDeleteI guess I have gone further than even I was willing to admit. Rereading the entire blog also made some things clear that had become furry in retrospect...
ReplyDeleteWell, it's time to batten down the hatches and get through the days one at a time. Which is all I can see doing. Not much reflects well on Trolls, that's for sure.
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Troll