Monday, May 22, 2006

Sorry, guys...

More highlights from

Technically speaking "anal sex" can apply to any form of sexual anal stimulation. For some of us that means only anal intercourse… but for others it includes toys, fingers, fists, enemas, vegetables, tongues and anything else you can think of.

News flash: an anus is not a vagina. Your anus is only 1 to 2 inches long and connects to the rest of your colon. The anus has two sphincter muscles, the internal sphincter and external sphincter. Your internal sphincter is actually a part of the colon wall and is an involuntary muscle -- which means you can't control it. Your external sphincter is under the skin of your anus and is a voluntary muscle. It also contracts reflexively (and out of your control) when something approaches your anus from the outside. Therefore, no matter how much you want your partner inside you, your muscle will contract to keep him out. But like any muscle, there is a limit to how long it can contract before it has to relax.

Another important difference between a vagina and an anus is that it will not self‑lubricate. No matter how hard you try, your anus will always be an anus. You can't sterilize it. You can, however, gently wash the outer skin with a moist cloth or pad to remove any fecal residue stuck to your skin. If necessary, try to move your bowels prior to sex... A towel is probably your best protection for those thousand thread count sheets.

If you really want to try it, buy a small (finger size) dildo... With time and practice, your level of comfort should dramatically improve... Once you can easily insert the small dildo, try the next larger size until you gradually work up to something approximating the girth of a normal penis or that mega dildo you've been dreaming about. If all goes well, you're ready for your partner... Just remember boys and girls: You can't always take everything just because you want too! Some men (and some toys) will be too large to fit no matter how hard you try.

If you see blood, stop. Most often the bleeding stops quickly. Pain during anal sex most often results from your sphincter muscles going into spasm or from a tear. You can tear the sphincters or your delicate anal lining (a fissure). If it hurts, stop.

Incontinence is an inability to control your bowels or gas. If your anal sex is pain free, your muscles should be fine and you don't have to worry about this dreaded complication. Those who enjoy fisting or large toys can permanently overstretch their sphincters and are at increased risk for incontinence in later life.

Anal sex is the highest risk sex act that men who have sex with men can perform. Virtually every STD can pass between partners during anal sex, and for most, penetration isn't necessary and a condom may not protect you. One medical study published in 1987 found that anal sex with one partner increased your chances of catching HIV by three times ‑‑ five or more partners increased it 18 times.

Although we like to think that a condom is 100 percent effective in preventing HIV, it isn't. A recent medical study... found that unprotected receptive anal sex with a partner with HIV had a 0.82 percent risk of giving you HIV. Unprotected receptive anal sex with a partner whose status was unknown (or believed to be negative) had a 0.27 percent risk of giving you HIV. If you had unprotected insertive anal sex with a partner whose status was positive or unknown you had a 0.06 percent risk of catching HIV.

In plain English, some men caught HIV on their first unprotected experience while others were fine after 20. Unprotected anal sex is like Russian Roulette ‑‑ you never know which shot has the bullet.


  1. For what it's worth, I've had only protected anal sex with my HIV+ boyfriend for over 10 years, and am still negative.
    He's got a very low viral load. Viral load (virus particle per milliliter of blood) are a good indication of health for the HIV infected, and a good index of the liklihood of transmitting HIV.
    And Safe Sex all the time is, of course safer than unprotected sex..

  2. Mr. Bill:

    thanks for the good word, and the good news.

    My problem, I guess, was just the combo of the gag reflex and the refusal of entry reflex -- edited out, I guess, in the post. [I may have to change that.] It all seemed to be saying that what we want is against what our bodies are set up to do...

    Well, all life seems pretty crazy to me these days.

    the Troll

  3. If indication of pain and blood is how we decide what our "body is setup to do", then women giving birth would definitely be on that list - no?

    Giving a bj doesn't always have to make you gag depending on how you do it. Newbies probably shouldn't go for the deep throating anyways, not sure if most do...

    Massaging the prostate (which is done via the rectum) will make you orgasm...I was taught in my medical training that this is how you might have to make a "clean" catch for a sperm sample. Now why would reaching into your rectum cause you to cum? Seems set up to to do just that if you gently rub it... :)

  4. Jaded Person:

    I really think the less I say in response to your making a parallel between anal sex and childbirth, the better.

    But it seems a little ungrateful, though surely not so intended. Think about it.


  5. I don't think that either of these posts are food for second thoughts, although they are VERY informative! *giggling*
    In every case, practice makes perfect. Trust me, after just a few sessions, both oral and anal will seem as natural as breathing.
    Keep us posted!

  6. Ungrateful yes... bad bear!
    I do agree that these posts are very cool and informative.(Something I failed to mention!)
    I guess I had a negative knee-jerk reaction to what you said about, "against what our bodies are set up to do."
    Something gay people always hear from the right...e.g. "that it's 'unnatural'"...

  7. JBear:

    But that's my whole point: you have to give the devil his due, if you will pardon the phrase.

    The Troll

  8. And for what it's worth, I got fucked for the first time since the Reagan Administration last week.
    The BF has taken the time to go from finger to vibrator to dildo to his big dick. I'm a bit sore, but looking forward to repeating the experience after all this time as top only. And my dude, power bottom that he is, fears he's ruined me..

  9. As for me, I am with the old wits who used to say, "If god had meant for men to get fucked, he would have put a hole in their ass."

  10. Congrats, Mr. Bill, if that's what's appropriate.
    Ah, Biggo.
    That does seem appropriate...

    The Troll

  11. I will take the congrats..
    If God hadn't meant for men to be fucked, why did he make it (after the initiatory discomfort) so very pleasurable?
    (uhh, it's a rhetorical question..)

  12. Sure generated some comments there. I'm your age (give or take) and I suppose there is still the element of it feels good do it in me. I recently topped for the first time and a long time ago bottomed. It does take a little time and you just have to find yourt own comfort level. And that tube of lydocaine based goo they market as Anal Eeze does help relax that pesky muscle.
    (I can't believe what I write sometimes)