HEAVY QUESTION FOR FRIDAY...
What's harder to contemplate than coming out as a bi/gay man when you are old and fat? I'll take your three top nominations, in any category.
Fear, trembling, and new paths ahead
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I'm getting ready to move, to end a job, to get rid of most of my stuff,
and step into something new. And I don't know what it is. I'm trusting
i'll know...
9 years ago
Being gay, over 45, overweight, and having a small dick.
ReplyDeleteAge, weight, and endowment are the gold-standard of gay culture. And not meeting the "ideal" in all three is the triple-witching-hour of gay culture.
It's one key belief that justified staying in the closet so long. "Well, I could be an over-45, overweight, greying, under-endowed man, and pass for str8 - or could be an over-45, overweight, greying, under-endowed GAY man, and put myself in line for all that abuse. But at the end of the day (or night), I'm still going home alone."
One of my recent encounters was with a young chub guy who was looking for an older chub man to be "teacher" on the local CraigsList M4M ads. So I hit him back with a face and shoulders pic, and honest info about my age and weight. And figured I heard the last of him.
Two days later, i got an email from him - and I thought, "NOW we're getting somewhere." Then I opened it up, and it had a photo of a not-unattractive heavier set young man, and I thought, "Cool!" And then I read his message:
"I want to meat up with u. Send a Pic of ur big hot cock."
I read it and thought, "Well, that's the way THAT cookie crumbles..."
A close second to "small dick" is "sexually-inexperienced."
OK. Given what I've read about the gymnastics necessary to teach your body to receive someone else's penis [and at the risk of alienating ALL of my OUT readers, I think I am going to post this sooner or later] it seems to that in some ways a small penis could be a real advantage... It just doesn't fit the dream.
ReplyDeleteSo, who wants to live in dreams? Well, judging by the porn scene, a lot of folks. On the other hand you read things like Spyder's blog about some poor guy out behind a bar, taking it in the ass from four guys in a row, none of whom can be bothered to wear a condom, and you have to say that living in dreams is about the last thing some aspects of gay life are about.
My mantra is that it is better to loathe myself than to loathe others. And my problem with the Daddy thing is really about the complications of my relationships with my beloved adopting father and my birth father, with side trips in the territory around my grandfather and eldest brother, all of whom fit into this in profoundly disturbing ways. But NONE of them meant to have the effect they did; they did what they did, and it had the effect it had. The deed is their story, and what I made of it is mine. As I see it, it is a complete waste of the time [and emotion] we have little enough of as it is, to blame our parents, our siblings, the child-molester, WHO or WHATEVER -- our job is to do the best we can with the pieces we are in at the moment. That's hard enough, God knows.